I’m growing as a person…who would have thunk it?!?

As I go through more session I gain greater insight as to who I am, what I’m like and how I am choosing to grow from here.  It is a never ending path of learning from what it seems and while that might seem daunting, I find that if broken up into bits and pieces and then dealing with the emotional baggage in snippets, life becomes that much easier.

The past two group sessions I have found myself not actually craving the sugary foods that normally are my staple when life is stressful.  I don’t believe that my life is much less stressful than in the past but I do feel like I am more aware of my emotional levels and find ways to deal with them in a constructive manner that I control.  So in some cases I’ll find myself wanting to exercise, take a bath, or just mediate.  Other times I want to snack on something but rather than going for pure sugar I try to give my body something that it can benefit from and that decision makes me feel empowered.  So I’ll go for milk, or an apple, maybe orange juice if the moods strikes me.

I find myself in a better mood lately, my body is happier with me and I’m just more in tune with what’s going on with me.  The in tune part is the most interesting to me as I thought it would take a great deal of effort to constantly check in with myself and ask questions on what I’m feeling, thinking at the moment when I’m craving simple sugars but it started to happen naturally because my body really wanted me to ask those questions all along.  I just wasn’t ready.

And so here I am now, being more aware of the thoughts in my head and getting great rewards from it.  As always the last 4 weeks in sessions with Cheryl have been enlightening and I’m constantly growing as a person. It’s been a terrific journey and I can’t wait to see what else I learn about myself.

Unconditional Lollipop

So here is it 1 week after my last post and I’m feeling terrific.  I’m enjoying another program of EFT with Cheryl Laird and of course I am learning more and more stuff about who I am and how I function.

My bath is filling with very hot water, the scent of my bubble bath wafts in the air and I’m craving a lollipop.  It’s 10pm…and I want a lollipop.  There is no logic to it.  I just want it.

So here were my options:

1.  Punish myself by not having the lollipop because I didn’t get to the gym

2.  Reward myself for such a great job loosing weight – nothing like a food reward when trying not to diet this time around

3.  Just give in and enjoy the grape Laura Secord lollipop for what it is…..something I want, something that I will enjoy and be done with it.  No muss, no fuss!

Now my instinct was to go and do options 1 or 2.  Both of which would take emotional energy and the lollipop just wouldn’t have tasted as good.

So as I have been writing this, I went with option 3 and am just finishing off the sweet sugary treat and will now proceed with the rest of my life.  Simple as that.

Ooh a belt

I’m actually forced to wear a belt now on a pair of jeans that I own.  While I’m not a big fan of belts I haven’t had to wear one in ages as my pants were always loose but never falling off me.

I wonder if I will ever get to the point where I wear form fitting clothing as I have been weary baggy clothing for so long and it really is a comfort zone for me.

I suppose in my process to accept my body and gain confidence in myself and how I look perhaps I will evolve to tighter clothing.  I already have to wear snug clothes when  I run and I choose to work out in spandex and I haven’t died yet so perhaps I’m growing as a person.

These particular pair of jeans were getting more snug in fall 2009.  This wasn’t good as they were pretty roomy to start with.

So as I worked through the Body Confidence program with Cheryl and Scott I started working on my insides and now my outsides are starting to follow suit.  I’m not as snacky after dinner, I don’t have to horde chocolates and secretively eat junk food in the car between meetings.  Those feelings have subsided for the most part.

I’m not going to say that I’m cured or that they will never come back but I do know that they are a lot less and every time I turn down sugar, caffeine and such I actually feel like my body is thanking me.

So with that I can say that I have lost about 10 pounds since starting this blog and it has been a great journey.  I have actually taken part in the common techniques to loose weight but it doesn’t feel the same as dieting because I’m choosing to exercise and enjoying it.  I push my limits where I want to and not at other times. I have full control over what I want to do and don’t hold myself to any unrealistic and unachievable expectations or goals.  It’s a completely natural and therefore sustainable.    I want to keep active.  I want to skip the extra sugar because I feel better when I’m less jumpy.

Here is another thing that has changed.  While the scale says 10 pounds are no longer on me, I really do feel so much lighter and better.  It’s just not a diet mentality.  I can’t wait to see where this takes me and I’m 100% confident that these changes that I have made over the past 2 months are sustainable.

I like who I am inside and out.  My body is adjusting to where it wants to be naturally.  I have no idea what that final weight will be.  I know that it is not done transforming yet.  I’m sure I have lots more to learn.

The body confidence courses, take home techniques and meditation CDs all help me to ground myself.  When I’m stressed I’m aware that I need to breathe.  After a long day when I’m ready for bed and my mind is racing, I can calm it down and sleep more soundly.

We all put our bodies through a hell of a lot.  Through these courses I have learned to treat it with more respect and it is rewarding me for it.

And so while I don’t like belts, I’m thrilled that I now have to wear one on a pair of jeans so that they stay put! I’ll take it

What holiday?!?!

So the good news is that I managed to survive my christmas holiday season.  I’m alive and well in 2010 which if you had asked me if that was plausible 2 weeks ago I would have told you absolutely not!

Right before Christmas I was faced with some news that was inevitable.  The news was indeed bittersweet.  I ended up in a funk to beat all funks.  I couldn’t sleep, I wasn’t hungry, my stomach flopped around 24-7 – so good times all around.

This funk was not to be tackled on my own.  There was no way that I could have weathered this internal storm without my support crew by my side.  So I learned very quickly to ask for help and immediate help at that.

All in all I managed to return to a manageable way of life within a few days.  I suffered another minor upset where my support team (friends, coaches, loved ones) stood by my side, listened to me and offered me tissues when tears were shed.

And so the new year is here.  I have been able to turn around the news and feel comfortable with it and know that my life will continue to move forward and get better.   Not that it was horrible to begin with but I have had some stumbling blocks that I have struggled with for a while now that were starting to get on my nerves.

Though the stress was great, the lessons learned and the growth that I achieved on a personal basis far outweighs the situation that presented itself.  However without the techniques that I have learned through my sessions I’m not sure the growth factor would have been as great or as smooth.

I’m grateful for the strength that my team gave me and the ideas that they provided to help me through some very tough times.  I’m sure there are still bumps and bruises along the way but I know I have people I can count on to help me plow through the stressful times.

A part of my therapy to help me define myself and where I am in my life was to redecorate my room.  It was still stuck in my past of being married and as this is no longer the case I needed to claim that room for myself.  With help and much time and effort the room is now perfectly me.  The energy is so much different and it will give me the chance to reconnect to the new me after getting through the holiday season.

And so I’m excited to start the new year. I’m thrilled about where I am in life at this point in time.  It’s all a matter of getting back on track and making great things happen for me and the people around me.

I’m off to write down my goals for 2010 and then make my wishes come true

All the best to everyone this year.