Can this be?
Clearly it’s been a while since I have wanted to write anything about my life. Since August it has been a bumpy road and one that I do not wish to repeat – thank you very much! Again lessons learned, new experiences were had, growth in mind and spirit happened so all was not lost.
I am yet again on a nifty adventure of re-adjusting to my work situation. I gave the full time work thing a try for 3 months and that wasn’t meant to be so I’m back to working full time for myself and so far so good. Of course it’s only been 5 days since I have been back. It’s probably a honeymoon period, right? LOL All joking aside I’m thrilled to be back to this and I’m going to make this work because this is my path. I’m sure of it!
My running season last year went well. I saw a few new PBs and that was very exciting for me. Training has started up again for marathons and I’m lacking the discipline needed to improve my times but I’m hoping to find that soon now that I’m not working 2 jobs. Just one really big one 
Being that it is winter here, I have a tendency of day dreaming about traveling south to enjoy sun, sand and surf. That then lead to what I would wear in the balmy weather. It seemed strange that I had to ponder this. Normally I would have just decided that it’s my regular swimsuit, some kind of coverup when I’m out of the water because no one needs to see me in just a bathing suit.
It was then that I realized that I wanted to explore my comfort zone of bathing suits. What would I wear on a beach? What would I be comfortable with? Question that I normally completely avoid.
So off to the mall I went in search of answers. To my shock I gravitated towards 2 piece bathing suits. I was hesitant of course but threw caution into the wind and tried them on. Here is where things totally went into twilight zone mode…….I was ok with what I saw in the mirror. True enough I am not skinniest creature on earth, I am curvier than some but I somehow was able to accept this and take comfort in knowing that I looked healthy. Now this isn’t to say that I would be thrilled if someone took a photo of me on vacation in my bikini, or that I have even wandered outside of a change room at Old Navy in this outfit – I’m not quite there yet – but considering my history of body image this was a good step in the right direction.
I can’t believe that this snuck up on me. I didn’t see this coming. I had no idea that this is where I was in the body image acceptance process. I’m sure there will be days where I won’t feel as confident but I’m willing to believe that this kind of attitude will only increase over time.
I really wish I knew exactly what I did to get to this point in my mind so that I could repeat it over and over again but alas that is unclear. Amidst a chaotic 2010 and already interesting 2011 I seem to have been able to work through a few gremlins in my mind.
As I’m not going to be traveling anywhere that would require swimwear this winter/spring I guess we’ll see what I’ll be sporting this summer for pool side attire. I can’t wait to find out!
